Today, I am doing something I have not done before, but I am imagining there is a great need for it. I am writing a continuation of a previous column. Now, for those of you who may not have read last week's column, stop what you're doing right now, find the column in last week's newspaper and read it before progressing any further. I really don't think you'll be lost trying to read this week's column without doing that, but I just want to make sure everyone is up to speed.
As you may remember, last week I talked about the bits of humor I try to leave everywhere I go. Sort of like leaving bits of stuff that may be stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Sometimes you can tell where I've been by the trail of people doubled over in laughter (or doubled over with groans of anguish) after having been subjected to some of my witticisms. Some have called them "Dad jokes." Which I find rather interesting, since I'm not a dad, that I'm aware of. So in the interest of spreading the joy and anything else I may have on the bottom of my shoe, I gladly drop these little nuggets for your amusement and entertainment.
You know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? Well, I'll tell you. One you'll see later and the other you'll see after a while. (pause for laughter)
I used to really dislike facial hair … but then it grew on me.
You know what's brown and sticky? A stick.
This was going to be a time-traveling joke, but y'all didn't like it.
You know why the pepper didn't practice his archery? He didn't "habanero."
I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
You know why you never see elephants hiding in trees? It's because they're so good at it.
You know, the rotation of the earth really makes my day.
I can honestly say, I have a hundred of them. Maybe enough for a couple more columns. You have been warned.