Mickey Starling
reporter3@greenepublishing.com
It would not be hard to imagine Madison resident Amanda Rhoden as a princess leading a charmed life. There is a certain charm about this young lady, but it has nothing to do with having lived an easy life. It is her strength and determination that make her so remarkable.
Tragedy has been no stranger to Rhoden, who lost an infant son to septic poisoning 12 years ago. She had an older brother die far too soon at the age of 36. Today, Rhoden faces the toughest challenge of her life: losing her husband, Evan, to suicide on Saturday, June 13. Evan was a proud veteran of the US Army, who served in Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom, in Afghanistan. Evan served as a military police officer, assigned with the task of clearing buildings during his first deployment to Iraq, which means capturing or killing any enemy combatants that may be hiding in neighborhood shops or homes. Evan was drawn into hand-to-hand combat during these assignments and was sometimes forced to kill enemy aggressors.
Evan also served as a gunner while in Iraq. While out on patrol one day, Evan's vehicle triggered a roadside bomb that blew up, showering Evan with deadly shrapnel. Fortunately, Evan kept an American flag flying close to his side. The flag and pole that it was attached to absorbed most of the shrapnel, leaving Evan only slightly scarred externally. Internally, however, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) soon began weaving these horrific events into a mental slideshow that played repeatedly in Evan's mind, interrupting sleep and daily activities. This continued throughout the remainder of Evan's life, showing up even in the simplest of events.
Once, Evan spotted his stepson walking across the yard, evoking tears immediately. Amanda asked what caused the tears and Evan proceeded to tell her the story of a young boy he had encountered on the streets of Iraq. As US soldiers often do, Evan gave the young man a soccer ball and talked with him a while. Just days later, Evan saw the young boy approaching his unit with a group of adults and everyone was armed. Obviously, they were not looking for a friendly game of soccer and Evan was tormented with having to make the decision that ended the boy's life. Though Evan was now far from the dusty streets of Iraq, the sight of his stepson brought back memories of the young boy, the soccer ball and the rifle. War is, indeed, hell.
For Amanda, the love she and Evan shared far outweighed any of the ups and downs brought on by PTSD. The couple shared a common goal that had become Evan's mantra over the years, to "love hard and stay strong." Good days or bad days, these two people loved each other. "Even when we had a good fight, I would let him win," said Amanda, who described Evan as "my world." Amanda and Evan attended high school together in Baker County and were always friends. They eventually married other people and went their separate ways. After they both went through divorces, Evan and Amanda began communicating with each other in 2013, near the time that Evan completed his military service. The talks bloomed to romance and they married in July of 2016.
Evan's world reflected a heart full of love and service to others. Though the Rhoden's have only lived in Madison County a short while, Evan was already known for repairing neighbors' air conditioning or taking food to nearby families. Evan and Amanda bought a nice home on 18 acres in the country, hoping the slow, relaxed pace would be helpful for dealing with Evan's PTSD. Along with working on his property, Evan recently graduated from the University of Phoenix with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. He had hoped to use his degree to help other Veterans dealing with PTSD.
That dream hit a roadblock with the federal government because of the treatment options that Evan was finding to be helpful in restoring him to normal life. He had recently received a prescription for medical marijuana that Amanda says was "helping him to return to his old self." However, the federal government views the use of medical marijuana as substance abuse and would have prohibited Evan from becoming an employee with the Veteran's Administration.
Though disappointed, Evan continued reaching out to fellow Veterans who were also suffering from PTSD and encouraged them. He was determined not to be defined or shamed by the disorder. Evan had seen the two-headed coin of PTSD up close and personally. While in the field, soldiers tended to discourage others from seeking help or counseling, often referring to those who did as "sissies."
Delaying treatment for PTSD is sometimes required while in the field, but the consequences can be long-lasting. Evan recalled to Amanda the story of a particular brash young man who entered the Army bragging about the kills he would soon rack up. Once the killing started, the young man was found curled up in a ball, appearing to be in a state of shock. He was soon discharged from the military and sent home. "Every day, we accepted as fact that we were going to die over there," Evan once confided to Amanda.
Once discharged, Evan found it easier to seek help, but there is a lingering stigma attached to the disorder that often makes Veterans uneasy admitting they need help. Approximately 30 percent of those who see combat will eventually experience PTSD symptoms, which generally include various degrees of anxiety or sudden panic. The severity of the disorder varies with each case. "It's like dealing with two different people inside of you," Evan once said. The persistent flash-backs of traumatic events can be crippling and lead to depression and suicidal thoughts, as was the case with Evan.
However, Evan was determined to overcome PTSD and he hoped to improve the ability of the Veteran's Administration (VA) to find remedies for the disorder. Evan had noted that many VA counselors have never experienced PTSD, which he saw as problematic. "How can they help people if they don't know what they are going through," Evan once lamented. He was so helpful making peace and resolving conflicts with his comrades that they dubbed him as their "Dr. Phil."
Perhaps the greatest source of encouragement for Evan was his wife. Amanda and Evan often sat in their gazebo in the back yard and talked. She was instrumental in helping him find his trust in God once more. The unspeakable evil he had witnessed as a soldier had given him some doubts to deal with and Amanda reminded him that evil is brought on by people, not God. "God is not being mean to us," Amanda would say. "He always works things out."
Struggling with something as monumental as PTSD can cause people to feel unlovable or bothersome and Evan was no exception to that. However, before he lost his final battle with PTSD, Evan left a bit of a rainbow at the end of his storm, which came in the form of a long text sent to Amanda just weeks before his death. Somehow, Amanda had never seen the text until recently. In the lengthy text, Evan thanks Amanda for her constant love and support. He details how unworthy he felt to receive such unconditional love. Evan concludes his message with a promise: "Even in my death, I'll find a way to make sure I take all your pain with me ..."
Though Amanda certainly feels the pain and devastation of her loss, Evan's parting words of love and encouragement have helped her to "stay strong and love hard" through it all. In so doing, Amanda is certain that Evan will live on in her heart and through her actions, which will be a good thing for all of us.
The Rhodens had big plans for their home and property and they were in the midst of costly renovations to the home when Evan died. To temporarily cut expenses, Evan and Amanda discontinued their life insurance policies, which left Amanda with a lot of expenses. There are two ways you can help ease her burden through these difficult days. A GoFundMe page for Evan Rhoden is available, or you can sign up with the 10 CAN project, an organization devoted to adolescence development and crisis response for military and first responder families. This organization is planning a "G.I. Party" on Saturday, July 11, beginning at 8 a.m., at the Rhoden residence. They are in need of volunteers to assist in helping to finish the home renovations, building a clubhouse for the children and completing some farm chores around the property. "We are going to work to just short of exhaustion," said 10 CAN founder Matthew Burke.
You can register to help at 10canoutdoors.com/get-involved or you can email Matthew Burke, at 10CANemail@gmail.com.