I had this really cute girlfriend in the third grade. Her name was Loyda. She was much taller than I, and she would occasionally spin me about as if she was going to toss me from the merry-go-round, which I believe she did once. It didn’t take much strength, as I weighed the equivalent of a damp twig. One day, we had a bit of a lover’s quarrel, and I headed home all up in my feelings.
Those feelings turned to thoughts of revenge, so I birthed a dastardly plot to steal her beloved Fritos from her desk. Being the stealthy ninja type, it was a relatively easy task for me, especially since she was miles away from her desk when I committed the crime. You can be sure that I enjoyed every spiteful bite of those stolen treasures on my walk home from school.